Never judge a bluffer by his book

Browsing through the bookstore at an airport the other day, I had the distinct impression that we need saving as a race.

I don’t know whether it’s my imagination or not but there’ve never been as many self-help or business-help books out today as yesterday.

Here’s a sign of the times.
In the old days – when I say “old”, I mean five years ago because in today’s bullet-paced-world, anything more than that is ancient history and not worth remembering – these books used to be at the back of the store, along with the “dirty magazines” section.

You didn’t want others to see what you were buying in case it reflected badly on you.

“Why is she buying ‘100 Ways to Please Your Man’?”
“She must be a loser.”

“Why is he buying ‘How to claw your way to the top‘?“
“He must be a loser.”

Today, these books are on the front shelves of every bookstore, boldly displayed and proudly purchased by men (mostly) and a handful of women.

And the conversation is more likely to go this way.

“Look, he’s buying ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective Leaders’.”
“He’s an up-and-coming, ambitious executive who cares about the people he will eventually get to lead.”
?Yes, we live in times when everyone’s looking for a hero or at least someone who can dish out some crumbs of wisdom.

Intrigued, I went through the titles and decided to come up with my own alternative titles (they’re in bold and I claim copyright to them) – in case, one day, I ever want to write a self-help or business book and make my millions from telling people what to do with their lives.

Why Men Marry Bitches: Why Women Marry Pricks
Who Will Cry When I Die: Who Will Have the Last Laugh
Who Moved My Cheese? Who Took The Stink Out of My Durians?
How To Get Rich from the Coming Economic Collapse: How To Profit From Other People’s Miseries
Conversations with Ducks: Quack, Quack
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: The Monk Who Went Karaoke and Unleashed the Idol Within
Five People You Will Meet in Heaven: Lessons From The Rest Who Didn’t Make It
Don’t Take The Last Donut: Don’t Steal The Last Satay
Karma Queen, Geek Gods and Innerpreneurs: Ah Bengs, Ah Lians and Pau Ka Liau – this will be meant for the Chinese diaspora of which there are millions around the world.

Incidentally, research in March 2007 by the Museums, Libraries and Archives Councils shows that most people will “pretend to” read “classics” or “challenging literature” to impress or to bluff their way through conversation.

And the top books for bluffers?

Lord of the Rings – J.R.R. Tolkien?War and Peace – Tolstoy?Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte?Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus – John Gray?1984 – George Orwell?Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone – J.K. Rowling?Great Expectations – Charles Dickens?Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte?The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown?The Diary of Anne Frank

So guess what I just bought at the airport book store? The God Delusion. The man standing next to me at the cashier counter was so impressed he bought the same book and offered to buy it for me.

CATCH up with Yeoh Siew Hoon every week at The Transit Café – www.thetransitcafe.com