Snotty trees and naughty rabbits

Bev Fearis and family meet some rather strange characters at the futuristic French theme park Futuroscope.

We stayed at the Hotel du Futuroscope, the only hotel with direct access to the park. Spread across four contemporary buildings, there just under 300 rooms for 1 to 5 guests. The interiors are bright and cheerful and geared towards families. Ingeniously designed, with plenty of storage, they reminded me of the rooms at the newly-built Butlins hotels. Freddie loved his bunk bed with a telly at the end of his bed.

Breakfast is served in a large colourful restaurant, its walls decorated with characters from some of the attractions. With up to 300 families to feed, it’s a slick operation. On arrival, we were handed a tray with a croissant and bread roll and offered hot chocolate or coffee. After finding a table, we could then help ourselves to cereal, fresh fruit salad, jams and chocolate spread. There was a also a small counter with Lipton tea for the Brits!

We accessed the park via a futuristic skywalk, going through the turnstiles using passes given to us at check-in. We also had the privilege of having Premium Passes, which meant we could bypass the queues for the major attractions – but only once for each one. Our son Freddie, aged 5, is a big fan of Arthur and the Minimoys, a Luc Besson film, so we headed straight to the Arthur 4D ride. Tip to parents, save this one for last, otherwise, you’ll spend the whole day being nagged at to do it again, and again, and again…

If you’ve been to Universal and done the Spiderman attraction, you can expect the same amazing virtual reality experience with the Arthur ride here at Futuroscope. Freddie was almost frozen with fear to start with but by the end he was squealing with delight. It’s fast paced, action packed but absolutely beautiful. You can’t help but be completely transported into the miniature world. The second time is just as exciting, and the third, fourth, and fifth. Each time I noticed something new. I won’t spoil the fun, but watch out for the rat and the frog.

Our other favourite attractions were the Petit Prince (stunning) and the Time Machine, new for 2014. It’s a hilarious, fast-paced ride which children will love. We laughed all the way through it. The ride follows the park’s mascots, Les Lapins Cretins, as they journey through time and stamp their mark on key points in history. It’s pure genius.

The other newest addition to Futuroscope is Dancing with Robots, a futuristic ride which I made the mistake of watching first from the gallery and then was too much of a wimp to try. In a nutshell, you climb into a seat in the hands of giant robots who spin you around in a giant night club. Not my cup of tea but those who were brave enough seemed to be loving it.

The most bizarre attraction is Dynamic Vienne, an interactive ride presumably designed to encourage visitors to explore the rest of the Vienne region. The main character, however, is a snotty vertically-challenged tree who encourages the ‘hero’ to eat mushrooms in the forest which then takes him on a crazy journey by air, road and water. It’s exhilarating, but quite barmy, and it didn’t make me want to spend my next holiday in Vienne!

Some attractions run continuously throughout the day while others run at set times. Large boards around the park tell you the show times, and they’re also printed on the maps, which are handed out daily at the entry points. Don’t miss the imagic show, a big budget Vegas-style magic show by Bertram Lotth, France’s answer to David Copperfield. I’m not a big fan of magic, but it was highly entertaining.

While Freddie is still talking about the Arthur 4D experience, the highlight of the visit for us grown-ups was the evening show, a spectacular display of pyrotechnics on a large lake in the middle of the park. It was at 8.30pm on New Year’s Day and the temperatures had dipped to below zero, so we had nipped back to the hotel to get some warmer clothes on. But, once the show started we didn’t think about the cold. It was breathtaking and beautiful. Freddie sat on my lap in silent awe, especially when the battle started. There was something for everyone, finished off with a firework display.

Tips for your clients:
Take something to sit on for the night-time show, especially in the colder months.

Take your own headsets for the handheld translation device, as the ones provided aren’t great quality. Saying that, you might enjoy some rides just as much without the English translation. It’s not difficult to follow what’s going on, even if your French is poor.

There’s plenty for younger children to do, but the ideal time to go is when your child is around 6 or 7 (above 1 metre 20) when they can do pretty much all of the rides.

Try to avoid eating at the peak times as the queues are bad, or make the most of the picnic facilities. While Disney bans people from bringing in their own food, you can take your own picnic and snacks into Futuroscope. However, the food on sale isn’t bad and is good value too.

With the big screen 3D attractions, avoid sitting at the front if possible, particularly with the Monsters of the Sea. We sat at the front and it played havoc with our eyesight and made us feel a bit queezy. Best to sit about half way back.

Like any other theme park, be prepared to queue. Queues varied from 10 to 40 minutes during our visit and presumably can get even longer in the summer. Take your mobiles or tablets with you to keep children entertained, and there’s free wi-fi in many parts of the park too.

If you’re only going for one day, invest in a Premium Pass which fastracks you on the most popular rides. It costs €15.

One-day tickets are €42, €32 for children 5-12, children under 5 go free. If you book three days in advance, the adult entry is €39. Short breaks at Hotel du Futuroscope are good value, with one night two day visits from €87 per person.

Not only is this park lots of fun for children, it’s educational too. Kids will learn about astrology, wildlife conservation, and history, but without even realising. Grown-ups will learn something too.