South America………….what a pain in the arm!

International travel writer Kevin Moloney says that a cautious traveller knows what a pain it can be to venture to South America; the pain you feel in the arm and the hip pocket after a visit to your local travel vaccination clinic.

This is his story!

I mentioned an upcoming trip to Peru and Chile to my uncle, a doctor and well-seasoned traveller. His cautious reply prompted my visit to the clinic. “South America, mmm, very dangerous- medically” he warned.

Thanks for that Old Boy.

I know I’m about to be jabbed in the left arm with several live virus vaccines but that’s not what worries me as I enter the clinic, because I also know my medical naivety will cause me to become a victim of up selling……. I’ve been there before! 

“Ah, South America” the doctor opens his sales spiel, almost rubbing his hands together at the thought of a big sale…………….“You’ll need polio, typhoid, cholera, measles mumps and rubella, a tetanus shot and of course we’ll need to complete your Hep A course………….then you’ll need Yellow Fever because they won’t let you back in the country without it.”

Okay, I said and thought as I swalled hard.

“Now, I want to talk to you about Hep B” he continues, asking a series of personal questions to ascertain my risk level and satisfied my travels and personal habits won’t expose me to any undue risk, I get a reprieve from that one………….phew, that’s one less hole in the arm.

Together we work through the shopping list and sort out what’s absolutely necessary, with my consultation then taking the form of a lecture…………… “Don’t drink alcohol on the flight, don’t eat food unless you peel it, cook it or open it, don’t drink the water, wear shoes at all times, don’t let animals bite you, slowly acclimatise yourself to the altitude (at least he wasn’t an American who would want me to ‘acclimate’).

………..You’ll need sleeping pills, altitude sickness pills, antibiotics, insect repellent, pills for constipation, diarrhoea, nausea, headaches” blah blah blah.

Ah please!  “Doctor, I’m only going for 9 days and I’m staying in fine hotels”

He eases off a bit now but warns me about the possible side effects of the drugs he’s about to administer, adding, “Rare cases can result in hives, swollen lips, severe headaches, heart problems and oh yes, in very few cases, death.”

Oo-kay, thanks………..defeated and convinced I’ll die from all the perils of travel I offer my left arm and take it like a man.

One, two, three, four and five……….the only visible signs I have for my purchase were five little round band-aids on my upper arm.  They look like the Olympic rings, only beige.

I’m now told to wait in the waiting room for the possible onset of the side effects from the Yellow Fever vaccine, the doctor saying, “We need to make you wait for half an hour to see if we have to administer adrenalin, but that’s rare, very rare”.

Thanks again.

Ten minutes pass, twenty and then thirty.

My time’s up and I’m still alive!  I walk, yes walk to reception, or more correctly, the checkout with my literature, tropical strength repellent, vaccination certificates, five little round band-aids and a small bag of assorted pills and with a smile, I’m politely relieved of $420.00.

“Thank you, see you again and have a good trip”

Its a good thing that all the vaccine injections are intra- muscular and given in the arm, because bearing the bum for five shots would really prove the premise of exotic travel being a right pain in the……………..ask me again after my next ‘perilous’ trip.

A Report by Kevin Moloney, International Travel Writer and TravelMole contributor.