Talking Career by Bert van Walbeek: ‘Sorry’ seems to be the hardest word

In a regular column for TravelMole, Bert van Walbeek offers insights and invaluable advice for getting ahead in the tourism industry.
 

‘Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.’ –  Dr. Seuss.

Not long ago I was confronted by some unforgiving persons whose cultural values are different from mine, but did not seem to understand that mutual understanding is a two-way matter resulting in dissent.

However a difference of opinion can be good and constructive if both parties are willing to accept that the sum of what is gained by all players is greater than the combined sum of what the players entered with, as per the Nash equilibrium.

Many executives in the tourism industries still believe in the zero-sum game of the ‘winner takes it all,’ and thus harm the development of the worldwide tourism trade, which shows at many occasions where the often self-appointed leaders demonstrate that ‘big’ people can have ‘small’ minds.

Destinations are under-promoted because of politics, competitors are fighting over rates and association members are suffering because of internal squabbles, which are often personal.

When will mankind learn once more that forgiveness and reconciliation are values which helped our forefathers create nations, destinations and organizations that we all regard these days with awe?

Singapore is such an example, proving that nobody is perfect but willing to compromise and showing respect for different values can create results many other nations can only dream of.

Nelson Mandela was able to help bring about reconciliation because he absorbed the notion of forgiveness from the Bible which teaches to forgive one’s enemies.

There are similarities to this approach in the Buddhist concepts of ‘metta and karuna’ which means loving kindness and something comparable in Judaism and the Islamic greeting " assalamu alaikum, which means peace be with you. Reflect these values too!

That means there is enough common ground in all our spiritual beliefs to find forgiveness and reconciliation, yet (tourism) people enter into conflict with each other time and time again.

Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die from it.

A misplaced word or action can sometimes cause unintentional hurt, only made better by way of apology. Deciding how to best say sorry is not always an easy thing to do.

As careers are shared with many others, it can sometimes happen that you upset a loved one, friend or colleague with a careless word or action. Although it may never have been intended to cause hurt, an apology is what is needed to make such a difficult situation better, or even fade away, but sadly ‘sorry’ seems to be the hardest word.

Yet in every career these ‘moments of resentment’ will occur and it depends on each person how well they can ‘let go’ and thus overcome the consequences.

In each career there are cycles, but as the saying goes: ‘the beginning of a cycle is also the end,’ which means that road blocks in a career can be the beginning of a new phase, a new focus and  eventually new moments of success.

Sadly those who don’t matter normally have the small minds and the big mouths, and create heartache and pain to those who are privileged with a strong character, are outspoken and sincere and, above all, honest about achieving that all important ‘greater sum’ of all players’ entries, resulting in win-win.

The bottom line is that those who are and say what they feel, might face dissent, but often not from those who matter, but from those who don’t matter.

More from Bert at The Winning Edge