Reinventing the Wheel in Melbourne

The London Eye – the giant Ferris wheel attraction on the banks of the Thames is now seven years old.

Originally built as a temporary structure to celebrate the millennium it’s outlived its bigger, structurally challenged brother, the Millennium Dome which I think is now being used as a hot house for growing orchids or dope or something.

Undeniably, the Eye is fantastic.

It gives the best views of London and if you happen to strike it lucky for one of those rare sunny London days (you know, that  one day a year when they do all the filming of every British TV dramas), it lives up to its reputation and really delivers an eyeful.

27 million people have already taken a spin (the Eye people prefer to call it a flight) on the Eye since it opened and an extension of the licence, which has just been granted by the authorities, will ensure millions more will get the opportunity to view London from a glass bubble high above the Thames long into the current millennium.

But I have real concerns about the Eye.

It’s just too damn good and I’m afraid the wheel which is currently being constructed at the wastelands end of Docklands in Melbourne is just not going to provide the same dazzling experience.

The views over London from the Eye are stunning and every angle features a genuine famous landmark.

I swing my eyes past the Tower Of London to Big Ben, past Buckingham Palace, up the road to St Paul’s Cathedral, along the river to Westminster Abbey and over Hyde Park to Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly and Covent Garden.

I can see the whole Monopoly board in one 360 degree swivel.

The higher I get on the ‘flight’, the more I see.

I could buy two houses on Mayfair, land on Pall Mall and put a hotel on Euston Road.

But what am I gong to do when I take my first ‘flight’ on the Melbourne equivalent?  

I can just imagine the sorry scenario as we start to climb into the skies over Docklands.

The first thing I see from the air is the incomplete docklands precinct and a few scrappy sheds lining the docks – they look just as dismal from the air as they do from the road.

I have a terrific view of Telstra Dome, Southern Crustacean (the lobster looking thing that used to be Spencer St Station) and Lunar Park to the south.

But are these world-famous landmarks or just buildings?

Look! There’s the Westgate Freeway.

Wow, is that the Ming Wing at Monash University I can see over there on the eastern horizon?

I never appreciated just how uninspiring a drab, rectangular building from the sixties can be. And look over there to the west.

Is that really the airport? Stunning, simply stunning.

And what’s that in front of me. No, it can’t be. Yes it is. It’s the shipping containers lining Footscray Rd. This is marvellous. I’d always dreamed that one day I’d see them from so high up.

Getting breathless from the impact of the Melbourne vista, I look past the city to the incredible expanse of suburbs. I can make out the sewerage farm near Werribee and over there to the east – is it? Can it really be? No, it’s not possible. Yes it is. It’s Glen Waverley! I can’t contain myself.

Looking towards the pancake-flat bay, it’s an incredible waterworld.

There’s a container ship docked at station pier and even a little ripple of a wave on the water.

Back to the city and I can see the Eye and Ear Hospital, the used-car dealerships at the top of Elizabeth St and the most tempting and incredible array of two-dollar shops in Swanston St.

My map tells me that at the other end of town is a large shed that belongs to a man named Jeff. I don’t even need the binoculars for that one. It’s one of Melbourne’s finest landmarks, our own Buckingham Palace. (God, I sound like Barry Humphries)

There’s just too much to take in.

There’s a 15 year-old Vicki Pollard look-alike from England beside me in the bubble on the Melbourne Eye/Wheel thing.  She wants to know where Neighbours is filmed and points wildly towards Wantirna.  She’s breathless with excitement. “Or Moi Gawd!” she says, chewing in her hair extensions.

The famous landmarks are everywhere now.  There are houses, cars, trams, trains and Citilink.  I can even see a bus.  This is like a scene out of that famous movie Metropolis – a futuristic, compelling, world-class exposé of a living, vibrant city, chockers full of interesting landmarks.  This will really put us on the map.

Step right up folks, but be quick.

Just like the London Eye, the amazing Melbourne attractions as viewed from a suspended glass bubble at the lowest point in Melbourne’s arse end of town (it’s very windy down there) will bring ‘em in from all over the world. Sure!

A Special Melbourne “flight” report by Kevin Moloney for TravelMole