Boys, don’t you just love my Blahniks

by Yeoh Siew Hoon

I am standing at immigration at Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi airport that is no longer quite the Golden Land it’s named after.

Around me are hordes of Russian tourists. How do I know they are Russians? Okay, the passports are a good clue but I think it was also the colour of their skin.

All of them were as red as the “hong bao” (red packets) I was still carrying around from Chinese New Year. (I know someone who collects “hong bao” and does not open them. She believes the money in there is for good luck. I am considering following her example and one day blowing the money at the Marina Bay Sands casino, sorry, IR when it opens.)

Anyway, I was tempted to give the Russian woman in front of me one of my red packets – I felt so sorry for her skin which was peeling in pieces. But she looked happy enough – she and her husband have obviously had a glorious time in Thailand, sunning and shopping.

They looked like they were arguing over her hand luggage. It was stuffed to the brim with souvenirs including a brightly coloured Thai silk cushion. He kept trying to pull it out of her bag. She kept stuffing it back.

When they got up to the counter, she tried her Thai on the officer. “Sawasdee kha,” she said. Their Russian friends around them broke out in guffaws. The officer smiled, indulgently.

At boarding gate G4 that you get to after walking at least two miles and taking a sharp right, groups of mainland Chinese and Korean tourists were waiting. This is obviously the flight Cathay Pacific books for its tour groups.

Smack-dap in the middle of this tourist melee was a group of Thai lady-boys. You couldn’t help but notice them – they were flailing their hands and swinging their long tresses as they spoke excitedly to each other.

They were all dressed in low-slung blue jeans and short, cropped T-shirts. All had ample breasts. One had a tattoo of a bird right above the butt crackline – you saw it when she sat down. It looked like the bird was peeking out, ready to take flight.

Being a shoe fetishist – I tried on my first pair of Manolo Blahniks two weeks ago and have decided that it’s either Blahnik or barefoot from now on – I of course noticed their shoes.

All wore killer high heels but one stood out from the rest – a pair of red Perspex six-inch stilettos. I watched as she took mincing steps towards her friends. I am told a good place to buy “lady-boy” clothes in Bangkok is Pratunam market. I must check it out next time.

Sitting close by was a group of Chinese girls who kept nudging each other and stealing sidelong glances at the lady-boys. One girl whispered something to her friends and they all broke out in high-pitched screechy giggles.

Onboard the plane, I found myself seated amongst the Korean tour group. The young girls are dressed, from head to toe, in branded wear. The elderly women sitting across the aisle from me are wearing Asics sneakers.

The two girls seated next to me pull out the duty free shopping guide. At the same moment, the Cathay Pacific stewardess walks by, saying, “Duty free, anyone?”.

Several hands shoot up. On this flight, the shopping comes before the flying.

Welcome to the not-so Lonely Planet.

Espresso Corner is where you’ can relax with Yeoh Siew Hoon of The Transit Café (www.thetransitcafe.com). Each week she’ll bring her own special insights and style to this must-read corner of TravelMole Asia.